October 6, 2021
2 years ago, I had the honor of doing a special documentary on pregnancy and infant loss. I choose 7 women and shared their stories and journey from loss to rainbow pregnancy and then rainbow baby.
You can read more about it here:
This year I had the honor of meeting up with Betsy again. Little Colton is now 2 years old, and Betsy is pregnant with a little girl. However, this little girl is extra special because not only does she get amazing strong parents and an awesome big brother, but she is a double rainbow baby. She has 3 other little siblings watching over her from heaven. One from before her older brother Colton, and 2 in between her and Colton.
Betsy and I got together last weekend to capture the end of her pregnancy and celebrate this sweet girl who will soon journey earth side. She also shared her story of her miscarriages and loss after Colton was born to help raise awareness to other women and families that might be going through, have gone through or may go through pregnancy/infant loss in the future, that they are not alone.
This is her story:
“This is my second rainbow baby and a double rainbow at that! We had an early miscarriage before my son, who is two now. The pregnancy with him was anxiety filled due to fear of miscarriage and a lot of random bleeding. Luckily all was well, and he is perfect. When we started trying for another, I had an ectopic pregnancy. We were very lucky to catch it early enough before I started to have major problems. It’s not something I would want to go through again, but I still wanted another child so with the guidance and supervision of my awesome doctors we started the journey over again. I got pregnant a few months later but suffered an early miscarriage again on Halloween 2020. After more trying and waiting and praying, we have been blessed with a girl due on Halloween 2021, how’s that for a curveball?! We are so excited to meet her!”
Betsy and her husband have been married about 5.5 years and have a 2-year-old son and 3 angel babies and their little girl on the way as well as a dog. When she first found out she was pregnant this time around, she was a little worried after her previous experiences. Once she found out that the egg was where it was supposed to be and doing good, she relaxed a little and even more so after they hit 12 weeks. This pregnancy has been healthy and uneventful and the one thing that has been hard is chasing her very active 2-year-old while pregnant.
If she could go back in time to prepare herself for the pregnancy losses before and after Colton, she would tell herself “Screw everyone else’s opinion. If they haven’t been through a loss, they don’t understand. Thing’s people say can be more hurtful than helpful but losing a baby is something not talked about often so there is no “etiquette”, for lack of a better word. Until it’s brought more into the light and becomes a bigger focus in the medical field it will always be a “taboo topic”. My advice to others is grieve. Grieve the life you thought you would have and never did. Grieve the little angels you desperately want to hold but can’t. It’s ok to grieve the loss and it’s ok if it doesn’t look like everyone else’s way of grieving.” What sound advice! Everyone deserves to grieve whether it happened recently or years ago, you still get to grieve. That is your right. It doesn’t matter when the loss occurs, a loss is a loss and its just as hard as losing a child who was alive and passed away unexpectedly.
The one thing Betsy wants others to know is “It’s ok to talk about it. It’s not a subject you need to skirt around or sweep under the rug. It’s real and it happened just like losing a grandparent or friend. You wouldn’t just not talk about that person or ask how someone was coping after a funeral for a loved one. That might be why it’s so hard for some people to understand the pain because there is no ceremony, there is no closure.”
She also wishes that people would stop saying things like “At least you weren’t too far along, and you can always try again.” She said, “I think people try to be helpful or encouraging but it’s not like you fell off your bike when you were learning to ride, you lost something that you will never get back.”
Thank you, Betsy, for sharing your sweet story again. Can’t wait to meet little one and see pictures of her and Colton together!
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Reflections by Luna
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