“Rainbows remind us that even after the darkest clouds, and the fiercest winds, there is still beauty.” – Katrina Mayer

There are many storms that we go through throughout our life. But there is one storm that hits home to many more than we realize. And that is the storm of losing a child during pregnancy. Whether it is early on in the pregnancy, in the middle of the pregnancy or as we are giving birth, the loss of a child is a storm that so many weather and so many others just don’t realize or understand.  I have been doing a blog series on Rainbows after the storm for about 2.5 years now to help raise awareness of pregnancy/infant loss. Today I would like to share another story of hope after the storm.

Judith Niehuser was kind enough to share her story of her losses and her rainbow and sunshine that she got after.

Judith had 3 miscarriages in a row in 2011, 2012 and 2016. She was sent to a fertility doctor who found a septum in her uterus. She had this surgically removed in January 2017 and got pregnant with her rainbow in March 2017.

During the first year of her Rainbow Noah’s life she struggled with the little things. The things she would have missed with her first 3 angels. She loved watching Noah grow up but often thought about all those moments she would never have with the other 3 angels. She says however, “I always knew I would be a mother and I feel as though everything happens for a reason, so I know that I was meant to be a mama to Noah and Abby. The best and most rewarding things in life are worth waiting for -which is certainly the case with my children. While the grief NEVER disappears, it does get less intense over time.”

Noah is her rainbow baby and has such a sweet personality. Abby is her sunshine baby, which is a baby born after losses but with no losses between the rainbow and sunshine. She also refers to abby as her double rainbow.  Her pregnancy with Noah was hard because the “innocence” of pregnancy was gone. I knew something could go wrong at any point in the pregnancy, so there was a constant underlying anxiety. Seeing the first ultrasounds and heartbeat was not as exciting as it should be. It wasn’t until around 14 weeks that she realized a pregnancy might end with a baby.

With Abby’s pregnancy all the emotions came back again. She didn’t let herself get excited until the 2^nd trimester. She was also pregnant with Abby during the pandemic and was going between 2 clinics and was grateful Abby’s pregnancy was uneventful until the very end. She was breech and had to be flipped once and then she went through 2 inductions and ended up with a c section because Abby kept flipping back to breech position.

Now that she has her rainbow and her sunshine, she is trying to help raise awareness of infant/pregnancy loss to help other moms who may be going through the same or something similar.  When asked what advice she would give herself to prepare for her losses if she could go back in time, she said: “While nothing can fully prepare you for a loss, I would give myself a hug and tell myself that everything will work out. ‘grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves ebbing and flowing, sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.’  Vicky Harrison”

When asked if there was one thing you wish people would know about who has gone through infertility, infant, child loss, what would it be; she said: “Unless you have experiences what we have, it’s difficult to really understand. I know I didn’t until I went through my 3 miscarriages and then was diagnosed as infertile. Infertility and loss affect everyone differently. Everyone has their own story. I would tell others to be ready to listen. She would also like it if there was more awareness of pregnancy/infant loss and if talking about it would be normalized so that there was more of a community and support and understanding for those experiencing it.

Noah and Abby have different birth stories and experiences, but they are both precious. They are watched over by their 3 angel siblings in heaven and have brought some peace and hope to their family.