“The pain you have been feeling can’t compare to the joy that is coming.” – Romans 8:18
Sky Simone is currently pregnant with her rainbow baby after a very rough miscarriage early on in 2018. She wants to share her story to help bring awareness to pregnancy/infant loss and to help her in preparation for the birth of her rainbow. We recently did a maternity session for her to celebrate the upcoming arrival of her rainbow baby. We choose the zinnia field because the flowers were all the colors of the rainbow and we also did some in the sunflowers.
Sky and her husband started trying to get pregnant in Feb 2019 and this is her story: “rather that’s when we stopped using protection. Nothing happened for 3 months, so I started tracking ovulation and got pregnant the first month trying. May 2019. I had to star rearranging my life right away and was very excited.. but unfortunately we were told on June 28 that there was no heartbeat, just a fetal pole with an 8mm sack and a yolk, but no fetal pole or heartbeat.. They did say that it ‘could’ be too early, but that an 8mm sack was really too large to not have a fetal pole. Our insurance ran out June 30th 2019 and the Dr told me that it was safe to miscarry at home.. so we just waited for the month. I was crying all the time and it was really awful. We were legally married but hadn’t told people as we wanted to have a wedding with my husband’s family some time the following year when we had the time and money to do so.. We had planned on doing that close to our actual anniversary but had pushed it forward to August so I would be 3 months pregnant at that time. I started bleeding July 20th.. then there was nothing for 20 hours, before more bleeding. On July 24th I had severe cramping like level 100 period pain that lasted 5 hours, before going into labor around 9pm with full on contractions that had me screaming every 30 seconds.. We didn’t have insurance and my husband wanted to take me to the hospital but I kept telling him that there was no point. I had been told that unless I was hemorrhaging there was no point in hospital and nothing that they could do. I asked God to make the whole baby come out whole and make the bleeding stop in Jesus name, and within 30 seconds I was running to the toilet… with the same sort of pressure as when you have to pass your bowels, only out of the baby area. Everything came out whole and instantly, and the severity of the pain stopped around the same time. It was the size of an avocado I think.. perhaps a bit smaller, but the toilet filled with blood so fast that I couldn’t see details and didn’t ‘fish it out’ like many other women seem to choose to. I made my husband look because I was worried he wouldn’t believe me. I continued to bleed until July 29th, and unfortunately with the moving of the wedding to August, I met his family for the first time while I was still bleeding from the miscarriage, so I don’t think I really made a good first impression as I was pretty much crying constantly at the drop of a hat.
We kept trying from the August ovulation onward, as I had heard many women say that they ovulated before their period came back, and every month trying created great anxiety and stress and the negative test results filled me with constant anxiety. January we found out I was pregnant. I don’t have any family of my own, just my husband, so I always wanted kids.. But I wasn’t able to feel happy about the pregnancy because I’m just so used to bad things happening to me so every single OB appointment I’ve just kind of held my breath until it was confirmed that there was still a heartbeat.
Her first thought when she found out she was pregnant was “Just more sadness and fear of feeling happy or hopeful. Even now at 34 weeks, I cry a lot… I worry about things happening to the baby, and I’ve reached the stage where other moms are telling me to make sure that family members are vaccinated as not to expose our baby to any risks. I worry about risks so much that it makes it hard to be happy. Some people tell me I need more faith, or that I need to not live in fear.. But those people haven’t lost anyone close.. they have big families that are involved in their world and don’t know loss or lonesomeness or trauma, whereas I’ve had my constant repeated share of it – completely out of my control, so I find it hard to be hopeful and i definitely don’t want to expose my baby to any risks.”
She was unsure what advice to give her past self to help prepare her for the miscarriage as it was one of many losses she has suffered at a young age including the loss of her mom but she said that she did “joined a grief counselling group last week because i have trouble getting over my dead mother who died 10 years ago – and the miscarriage.” Her rainbow baby is due 3 days after the 10 year anniversary of her mother’s death. She also mentioned that her mom miscarried her twin and she has gone her whole life feeling like somebody is missing, somebody who should have been there
She also said, “You can’t prepare for miscarriage, but when it happens you need to prepare yourself for the fact that most other people don’t care, and don’t understand. I’ve seen women in TTC and miscarriage support groups share some disgusting things that people have said, like ‘oh well you didn’t know the baby’ – I believe that in this ‘pro-abortion’ society, people don’t want to acknowledge the death of a baby because then they have to admit that it’s a baby and then they have to question their own conscience. I don’t feel that I had ANY support at the time. When I say ANY, I mean none.. nobody was calling me saying ‘hey would you like to talk’ or ‘hey I thought I would call and see how you’re feeling or see if you’d like company’ – I don’t think husbands know how to deal with miscarriage.. And I don’t think anybody else really cares at all. The grief just weighs me down and I’m alone in that, and feel like I always will be.”
The goal of sharing her story and many others is to get the information out there and raise awareness and help people understand and CARE about those who have suffered any kind of infant/pregnancy loss. She said that the one thing she wishes people would know about someone going through infertility, infant, child or pregnancy loss is, “just how evil and hateful it is not to offer 100% support to somebody going through it.” She also mentioned some of the silly suggestions she was given such as going on 100% chicken diets to get pregnant. She went through a lot of contradictory advice and bullying during her miscarriage and the following months. It just made her “cry and stress more and feel more alone.”
We don’t want women to feel alone during their loss or the pregnancy following. We need to be supportive of all women regardless of their loss, regardless of when it happened. Miscarriage, late term miscarriage and stillbirth are all losses, they are all babies who were getting ready to meet families and families excited to meet them and we need to show love and compassion to those who lose something like that.
Her family consists of her, her husband and her unborn rainbow baby and her angel baby. Her mother passed away 10 years ago and her husband’s family lives to far away. They met on Christian mingle.
It was such a pleasure to capture these memories of her rainbow pregnancy and to honor her angel by sharing her story. It takes a lot to talk about private things like a pregnancy/infant loss especially in this day in age and Sky is a very strong woman. Her rainbow is very lucky to have such a special and strong mother to raise her!